Words and Regret

My throat has been rubbed raw

with words that should never have been uttered.

They dragged their daggers through my throat.


When I tried to keep them down,

like rancid vomit, rushing quickly,

filling up my mouth, 

I couldn't stop the harsh thoughts

that left me choking on bile and insults.


I had kept them locked inside too long,

left them slowly oozing from my walls

crumbling underneath the rising pressure.


They fought, won, found an escape,

and no longer am I strong enough

to stop my feelings from erupting.


They’re destroying,

and I am left to mend the threads

my words pulled.

alt= "side profile of a sad woman with her hand covering her face"
alt= "side profile of a sad woman with her hand covering her face"

Words Can Scar

Sticks and stones may break your bones

But words will never hurt you,


Unless they sear you to the bone

Then never will desert you.


Be mindful of the words you throw,

They leave scars deeper than you will ever know.

image8

Weather Broken

It seems yesterday has painted the skies of tomorrow gray,

clouds once white, now are dark and ready to rage

from the anger snaking through these veins,

choking me with hurricane emotions.


Clouds have opened, releasing tears and pain,

dropping down to mix with the misery on my face

as loss grabs me by the throat, squeezing out all signs of hope.

Beneath its hold it’s easy to forget the sun stands, waiting

for its chance just beyond the ache and lightning crash.


But my mind is spinning inside the tornado made,

from the last breath I watched you take.

How am I expected to keep living with a heart shredded, shattered,

by the blow of the Reaper’s cruel joke:

stealing you for me before we had the chance to begin,

leaving me to face future days alone, undone?


You told me to be strong, not realizing

you were, and will always be, my strength.


image9

Street Stories

The wisp of a girl at the corner standing 

is scantily dressed and looking cheap.

She is willing to sell her soul for something to eat,

for a handful of cash thrown at her feet 

after a few gropes in the dark.

Body cruelly used, only commodity worth trading, 

while her name remains unknown.

No one cares to know, their only concern: 

what they can take from the fading girl.


While a boy about four cuddles close to mother’s warmth.

Gazing up with smile wide, he never sees how she trembles, 

fights to hide how much she struggles to keep them both alive.

Memories of a happier past are digging holes into her chest.

Heart, cracked, on the verge of breaking, 

beneath the weight of battles she must face.

Home taken when bills left unpaid,

when husband was lost, life stolen away.

Now, she is all that stands 

in the way of the reaper’s blade. 


One street over and looking bleak, 

cowers a woman with trails and tracks 

running stories down bone-thin arms.

Marks from where she tired to numb empty arms, 

the growing hole in her heart. 

Fuzzy childhood dimming fast, 

lost moments where laughter rose and hugs were warm,

a time there was no reason to fear for love was near.

But in a moment, what she trusted was love, 

sent her from home, disgrace to family name. 

The life flicking inside something to be shamed.

Parents quick to forget their child she was.

Mother, she never was, unable to protect her baby

from the monsters who shared her street-side home.


Close to where she sleeps, hides a bruised boy

having escaped hands hard and unforgiving.

Hands which should have soothed, not raged and abused.

He fled, no longer able to take the hate.

Barely teenager, still a boy, 

streets now the place to call his home.

A place where demons stand at every turn,

wait to prey upon the weakened souls,

where hunger and cold have become friends well-known.


Old man, crumpled form of rags 

has become nothing more than 

skin stretched across brittle bones.

Shaking from the addiction he cannot give up,

the only thing left that’s his,

the cold bottle he clutches in trembling hands.

Once a soldier, he fought proud 

before, home, covered in battle marks,

memories scarred into flesh and seared into mind

he arrived, no longer feeling right. 

He was never allowed to forget 

the sound of bombs and bullets tearing flesh,

seeing friends fall, unable to stop death's reaping,

the smell of blood and bodies burning.

Living locked inside a nightmare made real,

he is left a shell, nothing found behind deadened eyes.


So many lives we turn from seeing. 

Not caring to know their sorrow tales.

Thinking them less, 

how wrong we are.

Forgetting all the times we’ve stumbled,

but we were lucky enough

to find hands reaching, to stop us from falling.


How do we return the favor?

Look away, pretending not to see

the souls dying on our streets.

We should be ashamed of our selfish ways.

We need to learn to change and how to care,

learn to see beyond the bubbles we live inside,

and remember we'd be nothing if not for the person 

who helped us when we fell down.

image10

Replaced

Like soft putty in your hands, I was molded 

to fit the structure you chose for me.

I allowed myself to be bent 

into this person you deemed worthy.


Gone was my old self, 

the one I had once loved dearly,

and in its place was a woman I didn't know

didn't like, 

but you loved.


My hair was hacked, cut to pieces. 

The color I once thought pretty, 

darkened to night.

You decided the makeup, 

the method to use them,

while I was left to watch 

myself be made over by professional hands.


I watched, lost in a corner

my eyes taking in, 

as I was dressed in fancy clothes

fit for a princess, now me.


High heels like glass slippers 

were placed on my feet.

Worn sneakers thrown into the trash,

along with what was left of me.


My new reflection was one of sophistication,

no colors running out of lines. Perfection,

in cool-colored clothes melted on skin,

and bright ice shinning on neck and wrist.


She was gorgeous.

She wasn't me.


The smiles I gave freely

have all washed away, wiped off my mouth 

with red lipstick and gloss.


My eyes that once twinkled 

with laughter and glee

have been replaced with 

smokey eyes and mascara.


The spirit of a child locked within

has now been smothered, yanked away.

I have lost the essence of me.


I made all these changes, 

lost myself completely, 

in the tangled woman you made

because you promised to love me.

You would make me happy.


So, why do my eyes shed invisible tears

and this heart of mine that is no longer,

miss the silly, unsophisticated girl 

I used to be?

image11

Now Your Love

Nothing special,

that's who I always was.

Fragile, broken,

were the pieces of my heart.

Unheard, unseen,

always passed on by it seemed

until the day

you caused my life to change.


You found and saved me,

showed me that I was more.

Now I'm floating,

you brought hope into my storm,

where I had hid in

always afraid of venturing out.

Now light-hearted,

I'm basking in your warmth and heart.


No longer frightened,

you tore and broke down all the walls

that I had crafted,

desperate to keep my heart safe.

It only kept me caged,

until you opened the door.


Don't know how it happened,

your hands met and holding mine,

pulling me upwards

and somehow I'm now your love.


Your arms around me

has my heart racing fast.

Never saw it coming,

you handing me your heart,

and I am whole now

no longer a puzzle in pieces.

You are my soul and

now I can finally see

all the rainbows

inside clouds painted in greys.

All because you found me,

took me in your arms and held me.

Because of you

I know love now

and I am whole now,

and finally I am yours now

all because

you gave me your heart.

image12

I Would (If Only)

I see you; 

see the look of pain you hide

inside wounded eyes. 

See the smudges from no sleep curving them

with harsh uncaring hands.

You’re not as invisible as you think. 


I hear you; 

hear the muffled tormented cries

you try to hide, keep inside your mouth.

The yells of a soul stripped

beaten, vulnerable.

Untouchable, you pretend to be.

Slowly, you're fading.


I know you.

Know every secret that you keep

buried deep in a heart you forgot still feels.

Fears, hopes, disappointments, betrayal,

none can be veiled from my eyes.

To me, you are readable


I would hold you, keep you in my arms,

let you know loved you are, 

if only these arms could hug.


I would sing you songs to keep you smiling, 

whisper loving words to melt your heart, 

heal your wounds

if only these lips of mine worked.


I would understand why this world is cruel,

why such a fragile soul is treated

like a caged criminal,

and pain so easy to share

while love is held back, locked in metal,

if only my brain could work.


I’d be your best friend

if only toys were real.

image13

Weary and Weak

In his heart darkness lies.

Loss of love, loss of life.

Empty shell and vacant home,

nothing to show, no pride to hold. 


Burning tears filling eyes,

running tales down cheeks gone pale,

showing the world his life is nothing,

showing all, that here, his soul is weak.

There is no hope left inside of him.


His mouth, it will not speak,

words are trapped behind his teeth,

choking him from need to release,

to share dark woes with those who’d care,

but they cannot escape, so they’ll stay

spreading shame in him.


Mute and troubled, wearing shame,

a heavy cape on shoulders dragging,

his body struggles, unable to hold

endless loads that are not his alone.

Stumbles, he falls onto the ground.


No more can he find air to breathe,

his heart is weary and hope depleted.

And into ball he curls and stays

thinking back to better days.

image14

Poem: Never alone

You may not see me

but by your side I am standing,

heart full and ready to spill,

hand it over to you

wrapped in shiny bow and string.


You may not be able hear me

but I am singing songs to sooth

the worry brow above your eyes,

the strain pulling your smile.

I sing my love to you.


You may not feel these arms

but they are holding you with care.

I am using my body as a shelter,

to prevent harm from drawing near.

Theses arms of mine will never fall.


You may think you stand alone,

desolate wasteland before you,

never ending in its solitude,

but I follow in your steps.

I am your shadow, always near.


Feel my hand slip into yours,

and our hearts beat as one.

Just turn around, see me,

see alone you were never,

and with me never will you be.

image15

Mother’s Heart

Within her life grows

and she hopes a good mother she will be

even with fears festering

and inadequacies stacking up,

she holds to hope she will not fail

in carrying you, keeping you sheltered

from the raging storm

that is this world of selfish deeds.


She feels you move in her,

kicking to let her know you're there

seeking attention, so she sings to settle,

sings to send you off to sleep.

Hand to belly, she cradles you,

awaiting day when in her arms

you will rest and stay.


You will remain a part of her,

the miracle growing,

the life she carries in her heart.

You are her everything,

You are her soul,

and every beating of her heart.

image16

Forever: Remember

We remember those we have lost,

who fought battles long and hard,

who carried burdens with smiles wide,

who saw the good in their dark skies.


We wait beside those in midst of war,

who wear new scars with strength not scorn,

who hold our hands and squeeze them tight,

who live each day with brave intent.


We remember with our hearts,

those whose lights still carry on,

in the memories and laughter made,

in the hugs and stories we will share,

so that their lights will never fade.


We remember with our tears,

the salted drops that fall

when in the dark, grief draws near.

And remember with our hearts filled with love

and with their presence still near to us.


We remember, now, with those who stand,

arms linked and holding hands,

for those who walked for the ones who can't,

who walked in memory of warrior friends.


And those who fight, here, on this day,

we remember to encourage and keep them steady,

ensure them, with them, we are always. 

For all who have ever taken a breath,

we will remember them,

always.

image17

Future Me

When I am lost inside my thoughts,

preferring fiction to fact,

only you can pull me from my wondering,

show me how, here, my life is good.


When the day is growing dark

and the sun hides behind clouds of heavy grey,

you make me feel like a child in father's arms, secure.

You wrap me in a hug that drives the dark away.


You protect me from childhood fears,

from monsters who laid in wait,

stalking me into my adult years, so that I must

always be wary of empty rooms and shadowed corners.


When I am unsure,

weaving upon feet, unsteady, and knees weak,

I know against your strength I can lean,

and never will you allow me to falter.

With you, I will find solid ground to keep me steady.


You are each morning, bright with promise

and every night’s promise of restful sleep. 

My beginning and my end, and all the moments between.

You are my confidence and my modesty,

the child who dreamed and who, on stars, placed a wish.


You are,

we are,

the me I was forever meant to be.

image18

Slowing Time

Nothing remains.

Nothing stays the same.

Life is given and is lost,

love made and discarded.

A flower blooms only to face death

when autumn gives into winter

and icicles form where leaves left their branch homes.


Moments flash,

become the past with a breath,

with the blink of a child's eye,

adult they become, no longer can they see

through innocent eyes as

sand slips through fingers aging, fast.


Only hold we have is love,

it is the only frozen moment

in the speeding time of our lives.

But even love fades if people neglect,

do not remember to nurture fragile seed once planted.

They will find, too late, life meeting end and fate.


Do not allow love to slip by

with the racing of a life, unnoticed.

Grab it in your hand and hold on tight.

Pause, one second, in your hectic life.

Watch the seed grow, watch it extend your time,

giving new hope and life

to your once speeding, lonely life.

image19

What You Are

Stand with heart in hand,

offering your love to any

who in return will give

a fragment of affection.

Accept you cannot determine

who is true and who will play false,

for all wear masks to hide the truth.


Bare yourself to the world,

all imperfections showing,

wear no make-up to cover old hurt

or clothing to hide defeated form.

Lift shoulders up and head held high,

beauty comes with living, life.


Call out all your faults,

where you lack and what has gone wrong.

Be honest in your regrets,

carry no shame in mistakes made.

It is from where we stumbled,

where we fell, that we grew strong.


Never back down.

Never give up.

Never allow your heart to turn and cower.

Never be someone you are not.

Never think, believe, you are less.

Never see yourself as anything

but amazing.

image20

Love's Face

As the thorn that pricks the finger

of an unsuspecting child,

the beauty of the flower hides

and the danger it holds close,

a brief moment of surprise and pain,

quickly forgotten by shocking perfection,

I find myself being pulled in.


And just like an infant

seeking arms of a loving parent,

knowing safety in that cradle found,

I find myself aching for your arms,

the strength your touch gives.

My heart forgot hope

until your embrace gave back life.


With a summer sun whose rays

meet ice and cold,

I find I am a puddle of slush

at your waiting feet.

Your smile brighter,

bringing both light and laughter

where dreary thoughts once reigned.


I give my all to you,

no thought to how, now,

I am made vulnerable.

And with the eyes of baby newly born,

first time seeing this world,

I find myself starving,

thirsty for the sight of your face.

You are my world.

image21

Sold

You teased me with that sly, slimy smile,

telling the world you cared.

But I see the truth your eyes have veiled,

that twinkle of laughter is a lie.

Your heart left your body long ago,

and all you have left to give

is fury and cold

hugs that leave me shaking,

frostbitten in a blizzard of rejection.

You’ve lost your soul,

sold to the highest bidder.

Fame the ultimate desire,

seducing you until you fell.

Our love had a price,

bartered for the right exchange,

and my heart I had given

was thrown away.

You left, 

I fell, empty.

image22

Nature Lost

There is sadness in these knowing eyes,

a truth of life, seeing all the shadows and strife,

blackened hope and drowning faith

brought on by the savage hands of man.


The knowledge of cynicism 

dwelling in the hearts of old calculating heroes,

has crippling stabs of depression

wrapping around a failing, dying body.


Acceptance of greed in men and selfish desires

comes quickly in hand beside the need for

material possessions choking the neck of women. 


Another cream is created, 

an injection of poison to stop age from showing.

Ridiculous goals from human-kind

while small nature life dies with silent cries.


Mother Nature cries over the destruction of her home.

We, the cause of smog sucking up clean air, 

fillings lungs until fire ignites,

and bodies tumble to the ground,

do not care.


This lesson is unlearned.

Eyes watch as others turn away from 

the environmental murder humans commit.


Salted drops fall.

Wilted stems bend.

These petal-eyes close.

This flower life

gone.

And no one knows.













photo from: melbournechapter

image23

Shell

There's nothing residing inside my chest,

but gray and black flecks of ash

where your love once smoldered fierce.

It buried beneath my woman's flesh,

burning through blood and tissue,

then slowed my heart to nonexistence,

coming to rest behind a bone cage.

Fragile trust once had arms overflowing,

cradling burdens and weight not mine to bear,

but your touch devoured muscle,

leaving saggy skin behind while

your glutinous mouth

slurped up my senses, greedy,

to possess my very essence. 

Leaving not but a shelled body 

starving for a morsel of affection.

Confidence conquered,

smugly wrapped in my white flag of defeat,

you preen you feathers of glory

as I, now, am forced to live in shadows.

image24

Untitled

The ability to tell friend 

from those who wish to cause pain has smeared.

The difference between them smudged beyond recognition.

Intuition betrayed the ones who needed it most,

and gut feelings ran away when desperation

for a guiding hand consumed bodies.

Trust fled when deception suddenly became more appealing,

and hate for others easier to swallow.

Acceptance becomes unwanted when tempting isolation begins

to look so much more enticing.

Seducing all,making them crawl, grovel on knees naked.

Rough gravel slices skin; Rock embedded in fresh cuts

to cause inflammation and infection,

wounding the invincible soldiers of faith and optimism.

Optimism droops beneath heavy rains of cynicism,

leaving us to drown.

And blinds our eyes, hungry for a fleeting glimpse of home,

from seeing hope’s dying light.

In the darkness, we are left to dwell.

image25